i already am

i want to reach out
but can't
if i plan to make the point
i set out to make.
i can't let you control me
by growing dependent
on your approval
but my thoughts prove
i already am.

one day,
too soon,
i will cave
and invite you back
into my caverns.
spelunking is a funny word
but magnetism is only science
and physics are only funny
if your glasses are thicker than mine.

who is this girl
...trying to explain chemicals,
...trying to deny pheremones' pull,
...trying to be something other than
the positive to your negative?
why deny the undeniable?
pushing what pulls you only keeps you still
pull me close and push against my walls
until they tumble down.