addicted

why does my body hold you
when my mind named you an obstacle
before your hurdle was laid in my path?
i know you're unnecessary --
an expansion pack I don't need --
yet you still linger in my cells
(like a dormant pathogen)
after all this time.

 it's been a year almost
and your mystique still enchants me
and i hope without Hope's blessing
that my essence sleeps
in your subconscious too.
awakening when you least expect it
and impeding your momentum
when forward is the only option.

we hold each other stagnant;
by clinging to the hypothetical
we distance ourselves from the plausible.
our coloring sheets were never intended
to be more than black-and-white.
why do i cling to the possibility of nothingness
that "us" entails?
i'm addicted to you though i've never partaken.